Thoughts in the dark
by Shaeric Draconis
Summary: Youji Aya Youji POV as he sits in the dark a year after he left WK when Aya says Youji isn't what he wanted in his life. One shot. Bad language!


**Disclaimers**: I do not own the characters of Weiss Kruez, Takehito Koyasu, Tsuchiya Kyoko, Shinshokan and others do.  This story is from **my head and there is no way that they would even think of doing this with their characters.**

**Warning**: Angst, dark moment with slight bad language, slight lime moments

**Pairing**: Youji + Aya – Youji's POV

**Rating**: R

**Authors Note**: I did this to get my writing back on track. Vampire Louie this is for you!

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Sitting in this room that was as dark as my soul, I watch with icy disdain as the only light in the room slowly rises towards my lips.

I was considered a light bearer, my mask of smiles and laughter the only consistency of this body, vessel, which could be relied on to get me through the day and maybe even help the others that my life was entwined with.

Yeah, the more I repeated this pathetic notion the more the knife twisted in my gut.

A chuckle spat between my lips.

_I inhaled deeply upon the cylinder with the burning light as the room glowed an orange brightness to become dull again._

Dull like my heart.

_//I need my space Youji and you are not what I really wanted in my life.//_

Such touching words to be given by a lover don't you think?

Yeah my thoughts exactly…

They say if you truly love someone then set them free. If it was meant to be they would return.

But they never mentioned the heartache, the pain, and the mindless thoughts that keep swirling inside your head until you are driven mad by them.

I knew from the start that being with him wasn't going to be easy; I was no fool…at first anyway.

So fool that I was becoming, fell in love with him…something I promised myself never to do again. 

Love is a cruel master to its slaves, especially to those that are not paying attention.

Obviously I wasn't paying attention twice in all my young life. 

_Another chuckle, another drag as the addiction pulls deep inside of the body, the relief as the nicotine does its magic._

It was the way he stood there, his usual stoic self, his ice prison tightly packed all around him. But it wasn't this that got to me, no, I was use to him like this.

It was the faraway look in his unusual eyes that held the knife to my chest, the way he seemed to be looking for something better…something that wasn't me…

_The knife slowly being pushed into my flesh as it pierces the heart causing great pain._

He never said it…but it was there in his eyes. For once in his life with me, he bared his soul, but it wasn't to comfort me, no…

It was meant to hurt me, punish me for making him feel an emotion that he wasn't ready to feel. He practically spat the words at me as his tirade of anger seemed never ending making me feel that I was the lowest thing sent to live on Earth.

_Another drag as the fingers that hold the cylinder tremble slightly, the flash of light revealing the dull green eyes briefly to fade again._

Yeah that day was a bad day…one of the worse days of my life.

The same day he said he needed his space and that I wasn't what he wanted in his life.

So I did the noble thing…

…I set him free…and watched morbidly as he walked away from me and headed into the flower shop like he had just finished his lunch or something…

That hurt…deeply…

I on the other hand headed straight for my room, packed only my clothes not giving a fuck for what little I had gathered since moving here, slammed the case close as my eyes burned at the refusal of releasing tears that I had promised myself never to fall…ever…!!

I was in zombie mode by then as I reached my greatest love…seven. After that everything was a blur but my mind does overtime in these kind of situations and by the time I reached a nondescript motel I had it all figured out what I was going to do.

Manx was not happy but I was too numb to give a shit.

Still am.

She tried her threatening tactics on me, what they could do with me if I didn't return to the flower shop.

I would rather face all the demons in hell than go back to the one demon that had stolen my heart and shoved it in my face after squeezing the crap out of it.

I simply said _no._

I knew the moment she realised that I wasn't fooling around, that I meant business.

Yes Kritiker know all about this other side of me, the dark side that couldn't give a flying fuck for anyone or anything and nothing short of death could make me do what I didn't want to do.

So, that is why I am here now. I cared little for myself, and my body was a great tool for extracting information from high rolling targets.

I didn't have to kill them as long as they gave me what I wanted, most of them did but those that didn't I made them suffer until they relented.

Unfortunately for them, the torture I inflicted upon them was usually fatal. Quite frankly they deserved to die horribly considering they had the privilege of shoving their hard cocks in my ass, their sticky fluids invading deep inside of me.

The price to use this body is high and I am good at what I do. 

Very good apparently, my ex lover certainly enjoyed using me for sex, heh, I thought it was love…

What else was I to think as his pale slender hands caressed my sensitive spots with a gentleness I thought he wasn't capable off. His tongue that slid up and down my cock, then to groan loudly as he engulfed my shaft completely, sucking my salty essence into his eager mouth.

If you knew him like I did, you would know he would never do that with anyone else, but then what did I know…

I was the fool…

_Another drag as time ticked away slowly as he waited for the next target._

I know what you are thinking. Using my body for information…whore, slut, whatever. 

I am in control of my life and besides the money I earn is triple to what I used to earn. Even then I was well paid.

So you see you are right, I am a whore but earning more money than I know what to do with.

_Silence as the clock keeps ticking in the background._

It has been a year since I walked out on them…my team-mates and ex lover.

But not a year when I last saw them. Kritiker have a dark sense of humour, many a time I have been on the same missions as Weiß Kreuz. Only I had to slink in the shadows, they were the distraction though they were never aware of it.

I don't know what I expected to see on the cold hearted bastards face. Relief, happiness that the thorn in his side was now gone.

What I see perturbs me. If anything he looks colder…lost, Omi and Ken moving around him carefully.

I miss them.

_Inhales deeply again as the cigarette nears its end.___

I miss him.

_Hands trembling, short breaths shaking the body, fists clenched tightly as he fought to over-ride the emotion that has no place here in this vessel._

The last time I saw him was last night. He fought like a demon, the grey walls splashed with crimson as blood flew of his katana, his trusty weapon.

He was still magnificent in his pale beauty, his lithe body dancing with grace as he wreaked havoc on the enemy, his single mindedness and determination on reaching the target.

Funnily enough the target was the same one that had fucked me long and hard three nights ago, his secret code kept inside his head being released with sexual release and a little drug Kritiker had newly formulated.

It loosens the victims' minds, inhibitions and tongue…in more ways than one. With a dose of good healthy sex the endorphins released triggers the drug, confusing the victim so much that when it finally sweats from there body they can't remember a thing, only that they had terrific hard sex with good ole Youji.

Yeah I still have sense of humour…I just don't laugh any more…

I just stood there watching my ex lover plunge his katana into the target, not happy until the floor was covered in the man's blood. Yes he was obsessive when he killed but he had this revenge thing going on inside of him and a sister to protect.

He never told me about her…I found out by myself and it was purely by accident. I think it was then that I realised he didn't have any feelings for me. 

But like the perfect fool…I had hoped…

_Complete darkness as the light died on the end of the cylinder._

I was such a sap then. I'm not anymore, and as for hope, it is dead and buried.

_A striking sound, the room lighting up as another cigarette is glowing, the soft lips puffing on the end. The light catching glimpses of honey blonde hair loose around slender shoulders._

Well, time to prepare myself for the next mission. Manx was clear with her instructions.

No drug was to be used this time and to keep my cool.

It was all the same to me but how they expected me to get any information out of the target was beyond me. And to be quite honest I had no idea what information I had to extract.

What were Manx's words? Oh yeah that's right. Keep my mouth shut and listen, smirk. Such a feminine woman…with an iron fist…

_Knock on the door, cigarette flung to the floor as he stamped it out. Flick of a switch, lighting filling the room._

Fuck he is early. I hate it when that happens. Some people have no consideration where time was concerned. Better answer it before he breaks the fucking thing down.

"Alright I'm coming." Well I soon will be and open the door.

_Silence.___

"Hello Youji."

_Breathing harshly as he fought to stop the shields from crashing around him._

"Its been a while."

How can he do this to me? I set him free like he wanted so why was he here.

He must have set it up with Manx the bitch!

_The redhead brushes pass the blonde with purpose and determination, the scent of expensive cologne now filling the room._

Taking a deep breath I finally gather strength and regroup my emotions saying evenly, "What the hell do you want Aya?"

I hate it when red gets that look in his eyes. It is the same look he gave when he cut through all the bodies to get to the target…single mindedness determination.

"You Youji."

Well that's just great, fucking asshole! "Why?"

I watch in disbelief as I glimpse loneliness and another emotion so tender that I that turn my back on him. I can't put myself through that again… 

"Because..."

Yep that's Aya for you, monosyllable answer telling me absolutely nothing.

I missed it…yeah, yeah don't look at me like that. I am not about to let him break down what took me a whole year to fucking build…I think…

I turn to face him, "I'm not the same anymore Aya, I've changed." I can't quite tell him that my body does all the work now and not my weapon.

"I know…"

I watch as he paces the room. I stand my ground and refuse to move as he abruptly stops, turns and stares at me intently. His next words wavers my resolve…

"So have I…"

Damn you Aya, why didn't you just stay away. Don't use what I feel for you against me. It just isn't fair. 

"I want you back Youji …"

Here it comes…my shields trembling from the onslaught…

"I miss you."

Great! I really hate the bastard! My shields violently crumbling all around me as I collapse down on the bed.

_Pale hands reach out to the golden skin, parted lips making a vow…promise. Amethyst locked with Emeralds knowing that he had to fight and work hard to gain what he had mistakenly given away..._

**AN: Yep that's it!**


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